I should not take shots.

Snazzily dressed siblings. 

Those blue ones...those were tasty. 

She's always trying to kill me. 

What have we been up to the past few weeks? 

Let's begin at the beginning, shant we? 

(FYI, "shant" is not a word.)

THE 28 HOUR DRIVE:

"Highlights" (if you can call them that) from the trip:

1. A few hours into Arizona we grew slap-happy. Ryan started jiggling his

arm around in this bizarre dance motion. I joined in. We looked absolutely ridiculous.

And then we got pulled over (not for dancing...but I like to think we were only given a warning

because the officer thought our dance moves were SA-weet). 

2. We made the stupid, stupid mistake of taking toll roads all through Oklahoma.

I paid $1.75 to exit the highway and go to the bathroom.

It was not worth it. I hate you, Oklahoma. 

3. For the entirety of the trip we were never really sure if the puppies had pooped

in the backseat or if one of them had simply opened their mouth. 

Doggy mints have been added to the list for our next road trip.

THE FIRST NIGHT IN MISSOURI:

Please let me preface this story by explaining that I, aside from a sip here and there,

I haven't had alcohol in about 12 months. Not that I have anything against it, it's just really

caloric and if I have to choose between splurging on a drink or ice cream, 

ice cream wins every stinking time. 

But our first night back in Missouri we planned to go bar hopping in Columbia

with a big group of our friends, and I was ready. Because this was vacation,

and everyone knows the calories don't count on vacation.

We made a stop at the liquor store so we could make a few drinks before going out

and I decided to try cookie dough vodka...MISTAKE #1. 

Don't fall for that marketing lie...unless you prefer your cookie dough spicy and un-cookie--like. 

Next we headed downtown to Shot Bar, where I vastly over-estimated

my ability to handle shots...MISTAKE #2.

Several rounds of delicious-yet-potent shots later, we made our way out into the frigid cold

and into another bar...which was completely empty. The guys ordered a couple beers

and then they told us it was last call, despite the fact that it was hours from close. 

This is what happens when you visit a college bar over Christmas break. 

Anyhoo, my friend Amanda asks if I want a Long Island iced tea, and I say no.

But she's a persuasive one (and by that, I mean she's a peer-pressurer).

Soon, not only did I have a Long Island in front of me, but I had agreed to chug it.

This would not end well, in case you'd hadn't already guessed.

Let's fast-forward to one more totally unnecessary (but demanded, by moi) trip to 

Trops (think alcoholic slushies) and we were headed back to our friends' place

(don't worry, friends, we had a sober - but probably highly annoyed with us - driver),

where I promptly went to sleep to avoid Amanda forcing me to drink anything else.

And when I woke up...well, let's just say Ryan had to exit

the highway on the drive back to my parents' house so that I could throw up.

Thankfully, we weren't in Oklahoma or that ralph would've cost me $1.75.