Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Compelling reasons why I should have a chauffeur.

I'd like to take a moment here to acknowledge that
I've now made four (FOUR!) solo driving trips on the freeway to and from campus
with no disastrous consequences to speak of 
(knock on wood...seriously, do it).  
I'm always saying how terrible of a driver I am, but in case you
still think I'm just being modest...behold: proof of my shoddy driving history. 

Incident numero uno:
The Gravel Road Goof-up. 
A mere three days after I first got my driver's license,
 I had my first encounter with the ditch. 
I may or may not have been driving at an elevated speed on a gravel road.
If you're unfamiliar with gravel roads, you should know that those things are sneaky.
One second, they're solid; the next, they're all like,
"Oh, hey, I think I'm going to shift some rocks around underneath your tires."
Nighttime+gravel+surprise left turn=Andrea sliding into the ditch.
The ditch is not a fun place to be. 
Luckily, that time around, my car and I were able to be pulled out with no damage.
But then...

Incident numero dos:
Totaling the Taur Taur.
Just a few months later, I really blew it. I was coming around a bend in the
highway when my tires caught some loose gravel on the side of the road
(I'm telling you, that gravel stuff is pure evil).
I overcorrected. And then my car grew a mind of its own
and started swerving all over, back and forth across the road.
And just when I thought things were getting back under control,
the back end of the car fishtailed around and I started sliding off the road and down the ditch.
I was thinking, "Holy crap, I'm going to get in soo much trouble for this."
And then the car started rolling, and I thought,
"#@!%&*! I'm upside down!"
And then the car landed across an empty creek bed, like this:
And I tried to rush out of the car, just in case it was planning to explode or something,
and I scrambled up the side of the ditch in my cheerleading uniform
(it's like a scene from a lame movie, right?).
I was completely fine (except for a little whiplash)
but my poor car was a goner.
R.I.P. Taurus.
We miss your sunroof still.

Incident numero tres:
The Parked Car Predicament. 
I'll just get straight to the point with this one.
In college, I hit a parked car trying to pull into a parking spot at a Mexican restaurant.
And EVERYONE in the restaurant saw me through the front windows.
And Ryan had to sort things out with the woman who's
car I had hit, because I was bawling uncontrollably.
And then we went inside and ate dinner,
because not even that level of embarrassment can separate me from my Mexican food.

Incident numero cuatro:
The Snow Snafu.
I hate driving in snow. I have enough trouble driving on completely dry roads,
so throwing in cold, slick nastiness is just asking for trouble.
One Christmas Eve morning, we woke up to a redonkulous snow storm
and I was scheduled to go to work at the bank until noon.
It was about a half hour drive from our apartment, but I left a full hour early
because it was early in the morning and most of the roads hadn't been cleared yet.
I drove like a snail.
And I was cheering myself on in my head the entire time.
When I was almost there (so close that I could almost see the bank)
I started livening up, thinking, "I've done it! Great success!"
Then, out of nowhere, my car spins around
and slides into the ditch on the opposite side of the road.
I was late to work AND the money I made being there didn't even cover
the bill to get my car pulled out of the ditch.
But on the positive side, my thermos of coffee remained upright during that ditch trip.

So, that's my story. That, plus a few speeding tickets,
a few times when I may have accidentally missed a stop sign,
and a few wrong way jaunts down one ways streets.

If we ever strike it rich, the first thing we're splurging on is a chauffeur. 


  1. oh my gosh, Andrea! that incident numero dos is scary! ok, so they all are. so glad you're ok! and remind me ... when I come visit you in california, to take a cab. ;) don't worry, I ran my high school crush's truck into his grandparents' garage door. completely took it down. that was fun.

  2. yes, you indeed need a chauffeur. I love how you named each of your accidents though. If it makes you feel better - I got into my first accident my third week with my drivers license... come to think of it my track record might not be much better than yours. I also got hit by a deer once... and then there was the time my parents grounded my and locked my car in the garage so I drove through the door (oh hey tiff) to get it back - true story - total rebel here... Maybe its true what they say about women drivers. Don't tell the men folk!

  3. This makes me feel better about my driving record. Sort of. Three accidents in three months and my car insurance has been about $300 for over two years. No joke. Don't move to DC :)

  4. Oh my gosh, I thought I had bad luck with accidents! That picture of your car in the ditch is crazy! I can't believe you walked out of it totally fine!? Thank God. However, now I really am worried for you driving in LA (I've done it and their cray!)...ha! Safe travels!

  5. You do make a good case! A driver would probably be safer for you.

    I got into my first car accident the SAME EXACT DAY I GOT MY LICENSE. It was a sad day.

  6. Going down a one way street with cars coming onward is WAYYY scaryyy, I agree with you on that! Glad you made it out ok from all your adventures

  7. Wow those are some crazy and slightly scary stories. Glad you were never injured..well maybe your pride. Love your stories!

  8. ...it's posts like this, that make me thankful we live on opposite sides of the Country :) I'm a pretty descent driver. I've been in two wrecks, neither of which were my fault. Now, my Brother on the other hand, has owned three cars & he's killed every one of them. When I say killed, I mean dead...gone...smashed into oblivion. Thank God he's still alive, but he's 4 years younger than me and has had more vehicles than I have to date.

  9. Yikes! #2 sounds scary! I had my own incident with gravel on the shoulder and totalling a car...not as scary as yours...I didn't end up upside down. :/

  10. Rolling my car is like right up there on my list of fears! Glad you were okay!!! I think I need a chauffeur, too, but because of my rage. I turn evil when I get behind a slow driver or some idiot who can't take a turn at a reasonable speed or use their blinker or someone who wants to cut me off. Don't ever come to mt, it's 2952 times worse because everyone here sucks at driving.

    Man. I can get over those pictures! Do you have any kind of
    PTSD from that? I got rear ended on the highway and have major anxiety and my car just lost its trunk. I can't imagine what rolling my car down a ditch would do! DRIVE SAFE TO CLASS!!!!!

  11. Seeing those pictures is so scary!!! So glad you were okay during all of this!!!
    Thankfully, I have never rolled my car, but when I was young and irresponsible, I did total out my favorite red sports car 3 times! Thankfully no one was ever hurt, and my dad & grandpa are mechanics. I still miss that car, but I am so thankful to be okay... I am bound to either be in an SUV, or as you said, need a chauffeur!

  12. Okay that definitely looks like a scary incident.. they all do! Glad you came out okay through it all. I bet the Mexican food helped you recover from numero tres :) xo


  13. ohhhhhh my gosh!!!!!!!!! this is so funny and not all at the same time. Can i just say story of my life?!?

  14. Holy crap! That is seriously scary! Some crazy bad luck! So glad you are ok!!


  15. Oh my gosh these stories are too funny!!! And that one where your car flipped and landed on top of the creek is ONLY funny because you ended up being okay. What did you do to get such bad driving karma?

    Good luck driving to school every day... I'm seriously fearful for your life! Thanks for giving me a good laugh this morning. I love your funny posts :)

  16. Girlfriend, forget about the chauffeur. Just move to a city where you can take public transportation everywhere. You just scare me and made me laugh in a span of two minutes.


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