Do NOT read while eating.

This picture? It has nothing to do with the story I'm about to tell you.

We did hit up the tennis courts today, but the "highlight" of our weekend definitely

could not be photographed. I shudder (and gag) just thinking about it. 

I think perhaps it will haunt my dreams (and nasal cavities) forever.
I'm warning you, do not read on if you can not handle bodily functions
(of the dog variety...I'll be keeping my own bodily functions to myself, as usual). 

Let me begin at the beginning.

Saturday night we were watching TV and silly Dobby 

kept doing the "racecar driver" on the carpet

(you know...dragging her hiney across the floor).

We scolded her appropriately.

Later, we started to smell a strong, metallic scent.

Weird. 

We sniffed outside and in the bedroom.

Nope, definitely the living room. 

We sniffed Dobby.

Yes, definitely Dobby.

We thought perhaps it was her lady parts, so we googled it
(because where else do I find the answers to every question I could ever have?).

Were you aware that dogs have glands on their bum that aid them in dropping number twos?

I was not.

Were you aware that the aforementioned glands can become "backed up",
causing a metallic odor?

I was not.

Were you aware that the solution for such a problem is to manually 

"express the anal glands" (technical terminology here)?
So this morning I watched an instructional Youtube video,
(Seriously, how did anyone know how to do anything without the aid of the internet?).
Oh dear God, I was horrified. 
I slapped on a pair of rubber gloves and tried not to think about what I was about to do.
We put Dobby in the bathtub
and Ryan held her still while I squeezed her butt.
I will not go into great detail, but I will say
the smell in that bathroom was the stuff of nightmares.
I hope that fur baby appreciates how much we love her. 

Anyway...I'm sorry for ruining your day.

Now, excuse me while I go vomit.