This is what it looks like when you're missing a front tooth.

You know it's going to be a mildly terrifying dentist visit when your doctor begins by saying, 

"I think we're going to try to get everything done today without numbing you."

Say what?!

Since the procedure for the day included removing my fake tooth and filling some cavities, 

I very much wanted to respond with, 

"In that case, I think I'm going to jab you in the eyes so you won't see me when I

run far, far away and never come back again."

Instead, because her hands were already in my mouth (I should have bitten them),

I nodded complacently. 

Before I knew it, she'd yanked out my bridge and I hadn't even noticed.

That is, until she said, "We'll fill the cavities, too, I just need to stop all the bleeding first."

Bleeding?! I'm bleeding?!

It seems my gums didn't appreciate the trauma of all the yanking

and scraping and drilling. Who would have guessed?

But finally, I was fitted for my new flipper

(essentially a retainer with a fake tooth attached and no visible wires)

and I was sent out into the world looking like either a five year old or a hillbilly. 

And I get to sport this lovely look for TWO WEEKS. Two. Weeks.

I understand if you can't take me seriously anymore.

I can't stop laughing at myself, either.